Zuckerberg's 'Marketplace Too': The Existential Dread of Infinite Tabs

In a move that has left exactly zero users clamoring for more digital real estate to hawk their slightly-used bread makers, Meta has unveiled 'Seller,' a standalone app designed to 'streamline' the Facebook Marketplace experience. Apparently, the original Marketplace—a glorious digital bazaar where one could purchase anything from a haunted doll to a suspiciously cheap hot tub—was simply too *efficient*. Mark Zuckerberg, known for his relentless pursuit of user engagement (and, presumably, that elusive fourth dimension of data mining), assures us this new application is an 'innovation,' a term used frequently by tech giants to describe something that could have been a simple software update. Industry analysts, all three of whom paused their TikTok scrolls long enough to comment, suggest 'Seller' aims to further decongest Facebook itself, which has become less a social network and more a digital hoarder's paradise interspersed with your aunt's ill-informed political screeds. Expect ‘Buyer,’ ‘Scammer,’ and ‘Ghosted’ apps to follow, creating a truly fractal-like experience of online commerce.