Zuckerberg: 'Please, Someone Else Own the Future, It's Getting Crowded' (And Expensive)

It seems even the metaverse's most prolific real estate mogul, Mark Zuckerberg, has discovered the finite nature of orbital mechanics when it comes to monopolizing the celestial sphere of artificial intelligence. In a recent and frankly astounding display of what one might call 'strategic self-awareness,' Meta's chief executive expressed profound concern over the 'centralization' of A.I. power, specifically bemoaning the hermetic tendencies of such upstarts as Anthropic and OpenAI. Zuckerberg, a man whose corporate philosophy hitherto could be summarized as 'all the power, all the time, forever, probably even after human extinction,' now champions 'more openness.' Experts suggest this startling pivot from 'hoard-all-the-things' to 'share-the-things-I-haven't-cornered-yet' likely stems from a recent Meta earnings call where A.I. development costs were reportedly so astronomical they briefly formed their own gravitational field. Critics, operating under the quaint assumption that words still possess meaning, quickly pointed out the exquisite irony of a man presiding over a global digital empire built upon proprietary algorithms and user data hoarding now advocating for, well, *less* of that. One anonymous Silicon Valley source, who wished to remain anonymous lest their future access to lucrative VR headset testing be revoked, quipped, 'It's like Colonel Sanders suddenly advocating for the free-range chicken movement, but only for the chickens he hasn't successfully breaded yet.'