White House Unveils Top-Secret AI Plan: Mostly Just Sticky Notes and Panic-Induced Doodles

Washington, D.C. – The Biden administration, ever a paragon of transparent governance, has confirmed that its groundbreaking AI regulatory framework is so utterly advanced, so mind-bendingly sophisticated, that the details simply cannot be communicated in human language. White House sources, speaking on condition of anonymity and while nervously polishing a 'World's Best President' mug, revealed that the blueprint currently exists primarily as a series of impassioned Post-it notes scrawled by an increasingly frazzled intern named Kevin, interspersed with what appears to be a highly detailed schematic for a Rube Goldberg machine designed to make a perfect cup of coffee. Experts at the 'Moral Ethos and Technological Realignment' (METR) think tank, who were apparently consulted via a ouija board session conducted in a dimly lit pantry, lauded the administration's 'innovative approach to opacity,' noting that by revealing absolutely nothing, they avoid the pitfalls of inconvenient public scrutiny. One leaked 'detail' involved a directive for all future AI to 'be nice' and 'share its toys,' a policy lauded by policy wonks as 'surprisingly robust' and 'only marginally less effective than current congressional oversight.' Critics, meanwhile, suggest the only thing 'aligned' is the administration's strategic disinterest in public discourse.