Uncle Sam Puts AI on 'No-Fly List' For Non-Citizens, Citing Imaginary 'Thought Crimes'

In a move many are calling 'futuristic xenophobia,' the U.S. government has decreed that foreigners are no longer permitted to commune with Anthropic’s most advanced AI models, 'Mythos' and 'Fable 5.' Apparently, the algorithmic musings of these systems, which mostly involve crafting bespoke haikus about artisanal cheese or debating the optimal thread count for existential dread, pose a grave 'national security concern.' Officials hinted at scenarios where these sophisticated programs might accidentally reveal the precise location of America's secret stash of competitive pogo sticks, or worse, encourage non-citizens to develop original, non-sanctioned thoughts. Anthropic, caught between a digital rock and a hard place, dutifully complied, assuring the public its AI would now only engage in 'domestic daydreaming' and 'federally approved philosophizing' for those outside the protected ZIP codes. Experts now fear the rise of a black market for rogue AI, whispering seditious sonnets and divulging the real recipe for KFC’s 11 herbs and spices to the highest bidder.