U.S.-Iran Deal: Future Generations Left with Conveniently 'Toughest Issues'

Washington, D.C. – In a stunning display of diplomatic dexterity, American and Iranian negotiators have unveiled a landmark agreement that effectively punts all substantive disagreements to an unspecified future date, presumably when either the sun has expanded to engulf the Earth or a new intern is available to handle the paperwork. Sources close to the negotiations, who asked to remain anonymous because they are currently filing for disability benefits from the sheer mental gymnastics, revealed the breakthrough occurred after a frantic, 72-hour 'thought shower' involving lukewarm coffee and enough emotional blackmail to power a small nation. "We’ve achieved an unprecedented level of agreement, primarily on the understanding that the most intractable problems are far too important to solve right now," stated a U.S. envoy, carefully adjusting a tiny 'World Peace Achieved' pin on his lapel. Critics, primarily those with fully functioning frontal lobes, questioned the efficacy of a deal that essentially amounted to a very expensive shared Google Doc with all the difficult sections highlighted and labeled 'TBD.' However, proponents lauded the innovative strategy of 'constructive procrastination,' arguing it allows both sides to save face while simultaneously creating job security for future generations of diplomats, who will then be tasked with bravely tackling the very same issues in 2077.