Trump Unveils Humanitarian Airbridge Program to Boost Caribbean Tourism

In a move lauded by precisely zero travel agencies, the Trump administration announced an ambitious expansion of its 'Re-Patriation & Cultural Exchange' program, transforming what was once a monthly trickle into a weekly torrent of flights to Haiti. Officials, beaming with the kind of subdued satisfaction usually reserved for discovering a particularly efficient paperclip, explained this surge in 'express air travel' as a necessary adjustment following the Supreme Court's thoughtful decision to clear President Trump's schedule of pesky humanitarian obligations. Sources close to the White House, who asked to remain unnamed as they were currently being fitted for new jumpsuits, hinted that the administration views this as a vital economic stimulus, albeit one experienced primarily by the airline industry and the local hawkers of bittersweet farewells. Indeed, critics are already praising the ingenuity of finding a 'solution' to a crisis that merely involved adding more airplanes, much like solving world hunger by opening more drive-thrus.