Trump's 'Reverse Midas Touch' on Black Employment Hailed as Economic Innovation

Washington D.C. — In a feat of rhetorical prestidigitation that would make a Victorian stage magician blush, former President Donald J. Trump has reportedly perfected the art of the economic 'gaze-away.' While previously engaging in what experts termed 'strategic proximity' to Black voters (primarily during photo opportunities involving gold-plated golf carts), sources now confirm a stunning reorientation: the high unemployment rates among African Americans, once a minor campaign talking point, are now being treated with the sort of detached awe usually reserved for a particularly challenging Rubik's Cube left unsolved on a coffee table. Analysts from the newly formed 'Institute for Post-Factual Economics' suggest this isn't neglect, but rather a revolutionary redefinition of statistical metrics. "Why focus on the visible unemployment," mused one anonymous insider, "when you can instead celebrate the robust employment statistics of… well, *someone*? The beauty is in its universality. It’s an economic theory that operates on the principle of 'if you don't look, it doesn't hurt, and therefore, it doesn't exist – for you.' Future historians will laud this approach as the 'Teflon Tally,' where inconvenient numbers simply slide off the preferred narrative, leaving behind a pristine, albeit manufactured, success story." Observers speculate the next logical step involves declaring unemployment a 'luxury tax' on the 'unmotivated.'