Trump's Portfolio: 'Outsourced to Genius,' Says Source Familiar with Not-So-Blind Trust

In a move that has financial experts reeling from sheer, unadulterated genius, former President Trump has reportedly revolutionized asset management by 'outsourcing' his trading decisions. Sources close to the situation – which, to be clear, is not a blind trust but rather a 'deeply vision-impaired suggestion box' – confirm that professionals are indeed handling his portfolio. This groundbreaking strategy effectively removes any pesky *personal responsibility* from the equation, allowing for maximum plausible deniability should, say, a golf resort suddenly discover a rare, strategic lithium deposit right after a favorable regulatory tweak. Critics, often dismissed as 'malcontents with an unhealthy aversion to prosperity,' have voiced concerns about potential conflicts of interest. However, Mr. Trump's camp maintains that the only conflict is between antiquated notions of ethical governance and the boundless pursuit of... well, *winning*. The real story, they argue, is the innovation of a financial model where one's public duties and private profitability need not be mutually exclusive, but rather, mutually symbiotic. It's less a 'blind trust' and more a 'trust that is profoundly uninterested in seeing unpleasant truths.'