Trump's 'Maxed Out' Air Force One: A Presidential eBay Project

In a move that has left aviation experts (and anyone with a passing acquaintance with physics) scratching their heads, former President Donald Trump announced that the Qatari-donated 747, slated to become the next Air Force One, will be taken 'out of service to be maxed out.' One can only assume this involves installing chrome rims, underglow lighting, and perhaps a 12-inch subwoofer system, transforming the presidential transport from a flying fortress into a mobile rave. The plane, already under scrutiny for allegedly lacking sufficient 'defensive capabilities' – presumably, beyond the standard diplomatic charm offensive – is now poised to undergo a bespoke customization process that will reportedly make it 'the most luxurious, most secure, and frankly, the most beautiful plane ever built, perhaps in all of history.' Critics, who clearly lack the vision to appreciate true vehicular artistry, have questioned the practical implications of 'maxing out' a 747 destined to carry the leader of the free world. Air traffic controllers are reportedly preparing for the future possibility of an Air Force One emitting a low-frequency rumble audible from three states away, punctuated by the occasional blast of 'Eye of the Tiger.' Furthermore, sources close to the project confirm that classified 'defensive upgrades' may involve 24-karat gold plating (for structural integrity, naturally) and a personal valet service for the onboard tactical nuclear football, ensuring it always arrives perfectly chilled.