Trump's Latest Endorsement Strategy: The 'Anyone But Kemp' Maneuver Proves Shockingly Effective

In a move that has political strategists across America furiously updating their 'Enemy of My Enemy' flowcharts, former President Donald J. Trump has thrown his considerable weight behind Mike Collins for Georgia's Senate runoff. This comes as a stunning blow to Derek Dooley, the former football coach whose primary qualification, apparently, was having once coached some actual, non-metaphorical balls. Dooley had the unfortunate distinction of being blessed by the notoriously uncharismatic Governor Brian Kemp, whose relationship with Trump is, to put it mildly, more strained than a pasta colander attempting to hold water. Sources close to the former President indicated his decision was less about Collins's policy chops and more about the sheer, unadulterated joy of making Kemp's life a slightly less comfortable four-star hotel stay. Insiders report Trump was overheard musing, 'If Kemp likes him, he's probably a socialist sleeper agent or at least thinks mayonnaise is spicy.' This groundbreaking endorsement strategy — essentially, 'If my frenemy *really* wants it, I want the opposite even harder' — is poised to revolutionize campaign finance, replacing Super PACs with elaborate, passive-aggressive Christmas card exchanges.