Trump Promises 'Immediate Action' After Supreme Court Rules His 'Golden Parachute' Policy Unconstitutional

Washington D.C. — In a move that has political strategists across America frantically Googling 'Fed Governor Lisa Cook net worth,' former President Donald Trump has gracefully accepted his recent judicial setback by immediately threatening to fire the Federal Reserve governor. Sources close to the former Commander-in-Chief confirm that after the Supreme Court, in a stunning display of legal pedantry, invalidated his visionary plan to award every American a 'golden parachute' stuffed with Mar-a-Lago chotchkies, Trump’s natural response was to identify the nearest well-spoken woman and assume she was to blame. "The court decision was a disgrace! An absolute travesty!" Trump reportedly exclaimed from a gilded commode, adding, "And this... this Cook person, she's probably part of it! No good! Very bad! We'll be taking appropriate action! Tremendous action!" White House insiders, speaking anonymously so as not to be designated as 'too weak' to carry a golf bag, clarified that 'appropriate action' typically involves a strongly worded tweet followed by a very public revocation of one's parking pass at Trump Tower. Economists, meanwhile, are reportedly more concerned with the actual impact of the ruling on fiscal policy than with the whereabouts of Ms. Cook's office supplies.