Trump Discovers Mexico: An 'Undiscovered Gem' Just South of the Border

In a stunning geopolitical volte-face, former President Donald J. Trump, architect of the 'Big Beautiful Wall' and purveyor of choice epithets for our southern neighbor, has reportedly 'discovered' Mexico. Sources close to the campaign, mostly anonymous individuals observed frantically updating Wikipedia pages, confirm that the ex-Commander-in-Chief now views the nation as a crucial, albeit previously 'misunderstood,' partner. Apparently, the realization dawned that 'a wall, no matter how tremendous, doesn't actually stop bilateral trade or the flow of incredibly important things like... you know... diplomacy.' Experts, who have spent decades explaining basic geography and international relations, expressed a collective, albeit weary, 'well, bless his heart.' The new strategic pivot involves fostering a 'tremendously fantastic' partnership, potentially replacing the entire diplomatic corps with a single, highly motivated 'art of the deal' negotiation team and a direct hotline to a Mexican counterpart who, one can only assume, is now fluent in 'Trump-ese.' The move is widely seen as a bold attempt to secure policy wins for a potential second term, proving once again that necessity, like a well-positioned golf course, can indeed make for strange bedfellows.