Trump Discovers Britain Has Businesses, Lauds Man Who Agreed

In a truly historic geopolitical revelation, former U.S. President Donald Trump, known globally for his discerning eye for 'tremendous' talent, has officially confirmed that Britain possesses 'natural business persons.' The groundbreaking assessment came after his inaugural tête-à-tête with Prime Minister Andy Burnham on the fringes of the U.N. General Assembly, an event widely regarded as the most consequential diplomatic meeting since that time a hot dog vendor finally acknowledged a customer's presence. Sources close to the ex-Commander-in-Chief reported that Trump was particularly impressed by Burnham’s uncanny ability to 'speak English without much of an accent' and his surprising lack of 'crippling shyness' when faced with a camera. 'He gets it,' Trump reportedly bellowed, presumably referring to the universal human instinct to appear competent in front of a powerful individual. Critics, meanwhile, swiftly pointed out that Burnham, a former Mayor, has primarily spent his career in public service, leading some to speculate that 'natural business person' is now merely code for 'person who hasn't openly contradicted me yet.' The international community holds its breath, eagerly anticipating Trump’s next seismic discovery, perhaps that the sky is, in fact, blue, or that gravity is, surprisingly, still a thing.