Trump Considers Bold New Executive Order: 'Constitution-Free Zones' for the 'Unconstitutioned'

Washington D.C. — Sources close to the former administration reveal that, in a move hailed by legal scholars nationwide as 'utterly unprecedented, even for him,' former President Donald J. Trump seriously mulled over a novel approach to judicial gridlock: simply suspending the Constitution for those pesky undocumented immigrants. Apparently, the 'sleepy' courts were just moving too slowly for the ex-Commander-in-Chief's robust vision of expedited due process, leading to a brainstorm that reportedly involved a whiteboard, several sharpies, and the phrase 'Habeas What-now?' scrawled in all caps. While the proposal ultimately didn't make it past the 'really thinking about it a lot' stage, insiders suggest the mere consideration of a 'constitutional time-out' for certain demographics marks a pivotal moment in American jurisprudence, right up there with the invention of the 'Get Out of Jail Free' card. Critics, meanwhile, are desperately trying to determine if 'suspending a right' is more or less patriotic than 'asking Russia to find emails.' The consensus currently leans towards 'it depends on who you ask after they've had their coffee.'