Think Tank Proposes Solving Existential Conflict with... a Potluck?

In a bold move that has analysts scratching their heads and interns Googling 'what is a think tank,' a London research group has unearthed a veritable fossil from the annals of bureaucratic history: the European Coal and Steel Community. Their grand vision? To apply this mid-century Western European relic, originally conceived to prevent post-war French-German fisticuffs over industrial inputs, to the perpetually volatile Strait of Hormuz. Apparently, if nations can agree on equitable divvying of metallurgical resources, they can surely co-manage the world's most critical oil chokepoint without, you know, choking it. Experts laud the sheer audacity of suggesting that a region currently characterized by drone strikes, proxy wars, and the occasional seized supertanker would simply 'coal and steel up' and share. One can almost picture the Gulf Cooperation Council, Iran, the US, and possibly a bewildered Norway gathered around a whiteboard, meticulously drawing lines through shipping lanes with colored markers, blissfully unaware of the entire global geopolitical tapestry unraveling around them. It's truly a testament to the boundless optimism of those safely ensconced in London postcode districts, insulated from the gritty reality of nations whose primary negotiation tactic often involves something much heavier than a polite suggestion.