Tech Titans Discover Profit Motive Exceeds Existential Dread, Stocks Plummet

In a stunning display of corporate foresight, Wall Street has reacted with utter dismay to the tech industry's sudden, collective realization that perhaps *not* unleashing sentient digital gods upon an unsuspecting populace might, in fact, be a good idea. Following a series of impassioned pleas from various tech luminaries – presumably between rounds of artisanal kombucha and discussions about their private island bunkers – stocks for leading AI developers in Asia, Europe, and the United States took a nosedive faster than a startup's valuation after a co-founder's 'vision quest.' Analysts are reportedly baffled, having previously operated under the ironclad assumption that the relentless pursuit of technological singularity, regardless of species-ending implications, was the bedrock of sound financial strategy. "It's almost as if they looked at the precipice, saw the abyss staring back, and muttered, 'Hold on, is this going to affect our Q3 earnings?'" quipped one bewildered portfolio manager, who then promptly checked his own bunker supplies. Investors, it seems, are far more comfortable with the abstract threat of a Skynet-esque uprising than with the concrete, immediate threat of a slight dip in quarterly revenue caused by human-led caution.