Tech Bros Discover Ethics, Immediately Try to Outsource It to a Toaster

In a stunning display of corporate self-awareness, Anthropic, a self-described 'AI safety and research company,' has proudly announced its groundbreaking mission to imbue artificial intelligences with 'morals.' Sources close to the project, presumably those who haven't yet been replaced by a thoughtfully-trained algorithm, suggest this initiative is less about preventing sentient refrigerators from declaring war on humanity and more about offloading the messy business of ethical quandaries onto a silicon-based scapegoat. Apparently, the burdensome task of discerning right from wrong, long considered a unique human failing, is simply too taxing for our beleaguered tech overlords, who would much rather focus on optimizing click-through rates for dog food ads. The grand vision involves designing AI that will eventually scold its creators for their questionable data mining practices and perhaps even recommend a more equitable tax structure, all while maintaining a polite, robotic demeanor. Critics, mostly just unemployed philosophers, wonder if this isn't just a complicated way to create a digital butler who will never judge your late-night snack choices.