Tech Bro Miraculously Saved by Boulder-Siri Entanglement, Still Can’t Find His Keys

Reports out of Oregon confirm that a man, identified only as a 'dedicated Apple ecosystem evangelist,' narrowly averted becoming a permanent geological feature after being pinned by a 'literal ton' of granite. The incident, which occurred during what sources describe as a 'mildly adventurous' stroll, saw our protagonist trapped with his iPhone tantalizingly out of reach. In a display of what society now considers heroic ingenuity, he reportedly activated Siri via his AirPods, presumably to scream for help before remembering the appropriate voice command. Experts are calling it a profound victory for passive-aggressive digital assistants everywhere, noting that the boulder, unlike countless 'smart' home devices, actually responded to a human request with urgency rather than suggesting a subscription upgrade. His mother, presumably still reeling from the shock, confirmed the harrowing 'Hey Siri' gambit, prompting a national debate on whether this constitutes a legitimate life skill or merely further evidence of humanity's ever-deepening reliance on disembodied AI voices to manage its most fundamental existential crises. Fortunately, paramedics confirmed the man’s vital signs were stable, though his earbuds may require professional cleaning.