"Tariffs, But Make Them Fashion," Says Trump's Trade Czar, As Global Commerce Braces for Re-brand

America's top trade alchemist, Jamieson Greer, confidently informed a bewildered Senate this week that despite the Supreme Court's rude interruption of his previous tariff spell, the nation was absolutely committed to flinging more punitive taxes at international goods. "It's not a setback, gentlemen," he clarified, "it's merely a strategic pause for re-tariffing." The administration, apparently undeterred by pesky legal precedent or basic economic principles, plans to replace the invalidated duties with fresh, artisanal tariffs. Sources close to the White House suggest the new tariffs might even come in 'designer' colors, offering consumers a vibrant opportunity to pay more for foreign-made yoga mats and bespoke artisanal cheeses. Experts (the kind with actual degrees and not just a very strong opinion on Twitter) warn that shuffling deck chairs on the Titanic of global trade might not prevent the inevitable icy plunge. However, Greer, whose confidence could deflate a hot air balloon with a single glance, assured lawmakers that this newfound "tariff agility" would give the U.S. an unparalleled edge. "Think of it as a subscription service for economic pain," a senior aide whispered, while polishing a large, novelty 'Made in Trump's Basement' stamp.