Strait of Hormuz to Reopen, World Anticipates Brief Pause in Existential Dread

Global markets, ever the optimistic bunch, were momentarily nonplussed today as oil prices executed a delicate dance of 'maybe it'll be fine, maybe we'll all combust' upon news that U.S. and Iranian officials are set to pow-wow in Switzerland. Traders, presumably fueled by artisanal coffee and the faint odor of impending geopolitical normalcy, are clinging to the hopeful notion that diplomats might actually sign something. The proposed 60-day ceasefire, a period roughly equivalent to two Netflix binge-watches or one truly committed sourdough starter, has the potential to temporarily alleviate the world's most enduring bottleneck – the one caused by 20% of the world's oil having to squeeze through a rather narrow, highly contentious maritime corridor. Experts predict a fleeting moment of calm before the inevitable, much like a cat eyeing a fresh roll of toilet paper. The world stands ready to celebrate this fleeting détente, or at least until the next major tanker-related incident.