SpaceX to Build Second Galactic Parking Lot, Because Earth Was Getting Crowded

In a move that has left economists scratching their heads and astrologers consulting new celestial charts, SpaceX announced plans to drop a cool $100 billion on a second private launch site, this time in the swampy, yet cosmically ambitious, state of Louisiana. Apparently, having just one multi-billion-dollar Starbase in South Texas wasn't quite enough to satisfy the insatiable human urge to launch increasingly larger phallic symbols into the void. Critics (read: everyone with a functioning frontal lobe) are already questioning whether Earth's rapidly diminishing natural resources are best allocated to constructing another massive industrial complex whose primary function is to help billionaires escape the planet they're arguably helping to ruin. "It's not about escaping," a SpaceX spokesperson, who definitely wasn't sweating, clarified, "It's about having more options for when the first option inevitably gets swarmed by curious alligators or particularly persistent marshland mosquitoes." The new facility promises to bring thousands of jobs, mostly for highly paid engineers who will then immediately complain about the humidity.