SpaceX IPO to Offer 'Pre-Loved, Gently Used' Moon Rocks for Premium Price

In a move that has left market analysts either baffled or frantically adjusting their 'delusional fantasy' portfolios, SpaceX, the plucky little startup that could (and frequently does, with large explosions), is reportedly considering an Initial Public Offering. Financial titans, already reeling from the existential dread of crypto winter and the looming threat of universal basic income, are now faced with valuing a company whose primary assets include 'infinite space' and a CEO whose personal brand is 'eccentric billionaire with a penchant for Twitter polls and actual rocket science.' Experts from the highly reputable, definitely-not-drinking-copious-amounts-of-Pinot-Grigio financial journals are wrestling with the thorny question of economic impact. One might argue that strapping the world's hopes, dreams, and several hundred Starlink satellites to a phallic symbol and blasting it skyward generates a certain… intangible value. Critics, however, posit that perhaps, just perhaps, the economic impact of sending Jeff Bezos a strongly worded text message might be more substantial than colonizing Mars with a Wi-Fi booster. This IPO, sources close to the orbital toilet market predict, will either usher in an era of interstellar dividends or leave retail investors holding a very expensive bag of space dust.