Saudis Clarify Corporate Espionage Package Always Included Complimentary Extraction

In what talent acquisition analysts are praising as a masterclass in comprehensive employee benefits, foreign diplomatic officials confirmed Tuesday that their covert tech recruitment package comes standard with emergency chartered jet extraction, sovereign indemnification, and complimentary luggage allowance for immediate family members. Federal prosecutors revealed that after an engineer allegedly planted surveillance bugs inside OpenAI’s headquarters to vacuum up algorithmic trade secrets, Gulf representatives promptly stepped forward to post his multimillion-dollar bail using the geopolitical equivalent of a corporate Amex Platinum card. Unfortunately for the detained coder, a federal magistrate ruined the perks package, ruling that industrial espionage suspects cannot simply expense their way out of pretrial lockup under the line item 'miscellaneous relocation per diem.' OpenAI executives, profoundly rattled to learn that an outside entity attempted to harvest proprietary data they had rightfully harvested from unconsenting internet users first, remained sequestered in high-level security meetings, reportedly debating whether bug sweeps should now be handled by human contractors or simply automated into obsolescence.