Regional Autocrat Unveils Plan for 'Venice of the Future,' Neglects Present-Day Sewerage

In a move lauded by precisely one extremely wealthy individual, the chief minister of Andhra Pradesh has embarked on an ambitious, totally-not-a-vanity-project to construct a 'world-class' capital city. With a workforce of 25,000 diligently diverting entire rivers and paving over prime agricultural land, the dream city promises an unparalleled pedestrian experience, provided those pedestrians aren't looking for, say, affordable housing or a functioning public healthcare system. Analysts note the project's 'Quantum Valley' tech hub is expected to attract leading innovators in blockchain-based pigeon-dispatch systems and self-driving rickshaws that perpetually miss their destination. Critics, presumably those who haven't yet been relocated to designated 'enthusiasm zones,' point out that the current capital struggles with basic infrastructure, suggesting the new one might feature ornate, gilded potholes and Wi-Fi that only works for the chief minister's tweets. The grand vision includes vast waterways, ideal for navigating the inevitable monsoon floods that will render the bike lanes entirely superfluous, transforming this urban utopia into a picturesque, albeit unapproachable, aquatic wonderland.