Reflecting Pool Declares 'Green is the New Pristine,' Park Service Braces for 'Algae-palooza'

In a move lauded by precisely zero horticulturalists and an unspecified number of particularly philosophical ducks, Washington D.C.'s iconic Reflecting Pool has apparently embraced a bold new aesthetic: E Pluribus Algae. Sources close to the National Park Service (who requested anonymity, citing fears of being submerged in interpretive dance) confirm that the verdant bloom is not, as previously assumed, a catastrophic failure of civic maintenance, but rather a profound, albeit somewhat slimy, reinterpretation of patriotic iconography. “Think of it as a living tapestry,” offered one beleaguered Park Ranger, visibly clutching a bottle of industrial-strength pond cleaner. “A verdant, ever-expanding testament to, uh, resilience?” Critics, primarily tourists attempting to capture a non-Gatsby-esque photo, have decried the shift as 'less reflecting, more refracting through a kale smoothie.' However, proponents – largely confined to the algae itself – argue that this organic takeover finally makes the pool 'accessible to all Americans,' especially those who enjoy their national monuments with a side of micro-organisms. Future plans reportedly include renaming the Lincoln Memorial ‘Lincoln’s Lush Lagoon’ and introducing interpretive kayak tours, pending toxicology reports.