Reality Itself Now Registering as 'Fake News,' Sources Confirm

A recent internal audit, conducted by an anonymous group of sentient alarm clocks, has revealed that former President Trump's political agenda is now almost entirely composed of bespoke anxieties tailored exclusively to his personal phobias, preferred cable news chyrons, and the precise shade of gold he believes best represents American exceptionalism. Insiders report that focus groups consisting of actual registered voters, or even just sentient tumbleweeds, have been deemed 'irrelevant' as they simply reiterate basic needs like 'food' and 'not being on fire,' which reportedly clash with the current administration's avant-garde policy objectives. Experts suggest this self-referential feedback loop has created a political infrastructure so hermetically sealed, it could soon achieve sentience and declare war on its own shadow, or perhaps, a particularly robust dandelion. Congressional aides are reportedly now issued mandatory 'paranoia bingo' cards to track the weekly policy pivots, with 'Space lasers?' and 'Antifa squirrels?' being common early squares.