Putin Re-Enters Polite Society After Florida Man Vouches for His Core Values

For three years, the rules-based international order maintained an ironclad policy of ignoring Vladimir Putin until he promised to behave, a disciplinary strategy historically successful on toddlers and nuclear-armed petrostates alike. Yet the geopolitical frost thawed overnight once Donald Trump intervened with the foreign policy equivalent of rolling down the limousine window and shouting, "He's cool, he's with me!" to the velvet-rope bouncers of global statecraft. Kremlin aides confirmed that President Putin, previously restricted to video calls with fellow pariah states and solitary pacing along forty-foot tables, has already received tentative RSVP cards from European chancelleries desperate to pretend the last decade was an administrative error. Swiss caterers are reportedly dusting off non-extradition fondue sets, while summit protocol chiefs scramble to designate a designated smoking area for sovereign border violations. From Mar-a-Lago, Trump accepted full credit for the rehabilitation, reminding reporters that international law is basically a homeowner association covenant with worse landscaping. Western leaders have reluctantly conceded the point, quietly preparing commemorative gift bags for the upcoming Geneva mixer.