Presidential Tantrum Redefines 'Press Freedom' as 'Press Is Free to Leave'

In a move lauded by those who believe information transmission should be a one-way street from the Oval Office directly into their cranial cavities, a White House official, speaking on condition of anonymity because their job still technically requires them to communicate with the press, confirmed yesterday that MS NOW would join the ranks of the disinvited. The president, ever the innovator in media relations, reportedly cited 'insufficiently glowing coverage' as the primary criteria for banishment, a policy now colloquially known as the 'Truth-Hurts-Therefore-Truth-Is-Banned' doctrine. Legal scholars, many of whom are still trying to find their briefs after they were summarily ejected from the Attorney General's office last week, are scrambling to determine if 'the executive branch's feelings being hurt' constitutes a legitimate national security threat. Meanwhile, sources close to the administration suggest new White House press credentials may soon feature a mood ring and a 'loyalty to leadership' pop quiz to streamline future access decisions.