Presidential Erected Structure Threatens Sky, Local Birds, and Rule of Law

Washington, D.C.'s esteemed Fine Arts Commission, a body traditionally tasked with ensuring that federal buildings don't suddenly burst into spontaneous opera or otherwise offend the delicate sensibilities of granite, has reportedly found itself in a rather towering predicament. Sources close to the proceedings suggest the Commission, now conveniently brimming with individuals hand-picked for their unparalleled appreciation of 'bigness,' is actively brainstorming innovative legal interpretations for a proposed 250-foot arch that would, under the archaic 'Earth is Flat' reading of current zoning laws, exceed the city's sacrosanct height limit. Legal scholars, currently grappling with the profound philosophical implications of a 'really, really tall arch,' are reportedly considering appending a clause to federal statutes that would define 'structure' as anything that *isn't* a monument, or alternately, anything that *is* a monument if the President says it is. Critics, primarily comprised of perpetually-concerned historians and urban planners who evidently missed the memo on the glorious dawn of the 'Post-Fact Era,' warn that such a re-definition could pave the way for a cityscape resembling a haphazard stack of Jenga blocks, each one a testament to executive whim. Meanwhile, local pigeon populations are said to be in an absolute frenzy, desperately forming a pro-arch lobby, presumably envisioning a new, deluxe roosting option.