Poolgate: Trump Scolds AG for Suggesting Gravity, Not Deep State, Sank Reflecting Pool

It appears the Trump administration's ironclad commitment to 'alternative facts' has once again collided with the tiresome obstinacy of physical reality. Attorney General Jeanine Pirro, in a shocking display of adherence to civil engineering principles, has incurred the presidential ire by blaming the sinking of a D.C. reflecting pool on 'shoddy construction.' This startling accusation directly contradicts President Trump's deeply held belief that the structural integrity of ornamental water features is, in fact, a clandestine operation orchestrated by shadowy globalists and disgruntled federal employees. Sources close to the White House indicate the President, a man renowned for his intimate knowledge of fluid dynamics and concrete tensile strength, 'disagreed 100%' with Pirro's pedestrian assessment, reportedly suggesting the pool's subsidence was 'a witch hunt' designed to distract from his flawless infrastructure plans. Analysts predict Pirro will soon find herself reassigned to a new, highly specialized task force investigating whether water is, in fact, wet, or if that's just more fake news.