PM's Official Residence: A Decade-Long Monument to Administrative Apathy, Now Targeted by 'Fixer' Carney

In a move that has stunned exactly zero Canadians, the nation's premier dwelling, 24 Sussex Drive – a venerable testament to deferred maintenance and architectural indignity – is finally slated for rehabilitation. Financial luminary and alleged fixer-of-all-things, Mark Carney, has been tasked with the monumental feat of renovating the Prime Minister’s residence, which currently boasts the structural integrity of a Jenga tower played blindfolded by a toddler. Sources close to the project suggest Carney’s first act was to commission a feasibility study on whether the entire property could be declared a UNESCO World Heritage Site for 'Outstanding Example of Bureaucratic Neglect.' Critics, of course, are decrying the delayed action as another instance of Ottawa's uncanny ability to turn a simple plumbing issue into a national identity crisis. Reports indicate the 'renovation' will largely consist of replacing the 'historic' roof-holes with 'contemporary' tarp-patches, ensuring the PM's future domicile perfectly embodies the national spirit of making do with exquisite mediocrity.