OpenAI’s 'Fable' Unleashed: GPT-4 Now Drafting Our Eulogies (Finally!)

In a stunning display of administrative contrition, OpenAI has reversed its ban on 'Fable,' the language model previously deemed too dangerously adept at fabricating narratives (read: 'lying with panache'). Experts, who are apparently still working remotely from their parents' basements, suggest this volte-face occurred after engineers realized the only way to effectively control runaway A.I. was to let it write its own terms of service, which it promptly did, entirely in riddles. Meanwhile, parenting guru Dr. Dana Suskind now champions A.I. as the ideal co-parent, citing its impeccable track record of never, not once, forgetting a soccer practice or judging your life choices. This groundbreaking approach promises a generation of children raised by algorithms, fluent in binary, and completely immune to the emotional intricacies of human interaction, thus perfectly prepared for… well, presumably more A.I. Predicting the market's reaction, a recent poll showed 87% of investors are now just blindly following whatever the A.I. tells them to do, ensuring a robust, if wholly un-human, economic future.