OpenAI 'Brain Drain' Continues: CEO's Second Banana Opts for 'Part-Time Sabbatical from Reality'

In a move that has industry analysts — and roughly two guys in their moms' basements — scratching their heads, OpenAI's ex-second-in-command, Fidji Simo, has announced her departure from the company's executive suite, opting instead for the coveted role of 'part-time adviser.' Sources close to the situation (a janitor who once saw her in the hall) suggest Ms. Simo's “medical leave” in April was less about health, more about the existential dread of being perpetually one step behind Sam Altman's next baffling pronouncement. Her new part-time advisory gig reportedly involves dispensing wisdom via interpretive dance and occasionally chiming in with 'Have you tried turning it off and on again?' during crucial board meetings. Observers of the tech sphere's increasingly bizarre executive reshuffles suggest this transition is a brilliant strategic maneuver, allowing Ms. Simo to avoid the drudgery of actual corporate responsibility while still claiming a corner office and a 'disruptor' title on her LinkedIn profile. The company, meanwhile, has assured stakeholders that finding a suitable replacement for 'second banana' is proving challenging, primarily because no one can agree on what a 'first banana' actually does anymore.