O'Leary's 'Brilliant' Salt Lake Data Center: A Desert Oasis of Irreversible Stupidity

America's most lovable curmudgeon, Kevin O'Leary, has set his sights on the Great Salt Lake, not for its dwindling brine shrimp, but to erect a sprawling data center. Apparently, after years of rejecting perfectly viable small businesses on national television, Mr. Wonderful has developed an insatiable appetite for projects that are monumentally ill-advised. Utahns, bless their parched, conservative hearts, are up in arms, questioning the wisdom of plonking a high-energy-consumption facility next to a body of water that’s currently auditioning for a role in a post-apocalyptic film. Critics fret about 'dust that chokes,' 'ecosystems that vanish,' and 'a lake that simply *isn't there* anymore.' O'Leary, ever the visionary, likely sees an untapped market in providing cloud storage for the souls of extinct species. Sources close to the project confirm that initial designs include a 'proprietary salt-ion cooling system' which, when pressed, is simply a very large fan pointed at the evaporating lake. The looming primary election now hinges on whether Utah can be convinced that a giant server farm is a worthy successor to the geological wonder it's poised to replace.