NH's Senate Race Devolves Into 'Open Mic Night' for 2028 Hopefuls

It's the political equivalent of a ravenous pack of hyenas descending on a single, bewildered gazelle: New Hampshire's crucial 2022 Senate race has officially been reclassified as the nation's premier 'Shadow Primary' for the 2028 presidential election. Democratic hopefuls, like so many barnacles seeking a firmer attachment, are reportedly flocking to the Granite State, not to boost local candidates, but to test-drive their future campaign slogans in front of anyone who will listen. Sources close to a beleaguered New Hampshire voter, identified only as 'Brenda from Nashua,' confirm she received three unsolicited policy pamphlets from governors of states she couldn't even name, all while waiting in line for a local bake sale. The situation has become so comically congested that the state's official 'First-in-the-Nation Primary' sign has reportedly had to be widened to accommodate an extra 37 embossed names, none of whom are actually running for anything this year. Local candidates, meanwhile, are now forced to wear sandwich boards proclaiming, 'Yes, I'm ACTUALLY on the ballot for *this* election!' just to get a word in edgewise.