National Park System Unveils 'Freedom-Tax' For Outsiders, Cites 'America First' Hiking Trails

America's hallowed national parks, long considered sanctuaries for grizzlies and anyone with a mid-range Subaru, have apparently been suffering from an acute case of 'internationalism,' according to a recent legal dust-up. A local Arizona tour operator, clearly failing to grasp the finer points of contemporary fiscal patriotism, is suing to overturn a Trump-era surcharge that asks foreign visitors to pony up an extra Benjamin to commune with nature. The move, critics allege, is an unprecedented attempt to monetize oxygen, or at least the scenic vistas, based solely on passport hue, effectively declaring certain natural wonders 'members-only' clubs for the domestically privileged. While the lawsuit hinges on the rather quaint notion that Congress, not an executive memo, should dictate who pays what for a peek at Old Faithful, the underlying message is clear: these amber waves of grain don't come cheap, especially if your initial flight wasn't from Des Moines. The Department of the Interior has yet to comment on whether future plans include tiered pricing for bald eagles based on origin story or a 'Make America Great Again' toll booth at Yosemite's gates, but one can only assume this is merely the first step toward a fully privatized, geopolitically segmented wilderness experience. Soon, hiking Mount Rushmore might require not just sturdy boots, but a valid credit history and a 'Buy American' bumper sticker.