Modi Discovers Trump Card Isn't a Universal Healthcare Benefit

Global strongmen, long accustomed to America's predictable geopolitical mood swings, are reportedly baffled by the increasingly Schrödinger's cat-like nature of U.S. foreign policy. Prime Minister Narendra Modi, a man whose wardrobe alone suggests a keen understanding of sartorial investment, has apparently concluded that relying on a nation whose leadership changes direction faster than a squirrel with a caffeine addiction is, shall we say, 'unwise.' Sources close to Modi's meticulously managed travel itinerary report that each new international 'deal' isn't about bolstering India's global standing, but rather an elaborate, high-stakes game of 'pin the tail on the least unstable superpower.' Experts suggest this frantic deal-making is merely a sophisticated form of international insurance, diversifying risk against the possibility that America might suddenly decide to fund a giant space wall or declare Tuesdays 'Pudding Day' and cancel all treaties. Critics, meanwhile, are calling it 'geopolitical multi-level marketing,' where each new partnership is just another downline to cushion the inevitable shockwave from Washington's next existential crisis. One anonymous analyst quipped, 'It's like Modi's collecting every possible 'get out of jail free' card before the U.S. government sets fire to the Monopoly board.'