MIT Professor Discovers Loophole: Self-Authored 'Official' Report Funds Book Tour

In a stunning display of academic entrepreneurship, one MIT professor has single-handedly redefined 'peer review' by becoming his own peer, the review, and the subsequent marketing department. Dr. Mauricio Rodriguez, a distinguished faculty member, recently unveiled his "MIT Report on Antisemitism" – a document notable for lacking any official MIT imprimatur, much like a gourmet meal prepared entirely from vending machine snacks. The esteemed institution, apparently miffed that one of its own dared to engage in self-publishing without the usual labyrinthine committee approvals and five-year study cycles, is now in what sources describe as a "polite but firm fisticuffs" over whether Dr. Rodriguez may leverage the university's coffers to promote his decidedly un-official book, which, coincidentally, is rather critical of the university itself. Students, meanwhile, have begun drafting their own "official MIT theses" on topics ranging from "The Optimal Nap Duration in Stata Center" to "A Comparative Analysis of Coffee Acquisition Strategies on Campus," hoping to similarly secure discretionary funds for their ensuing book releases and lavish speaking engagements.