Missouri Republicans Decry 'Tyranny of the Majority' After Court Suggests Voters Vote

In a move described by political strategists as 'an unprecedented affront to the very concept of democracy itself,' Missouri's Supreme Court has shockingly implied that the state's citizens should, at some point, have a say in how their voting districts are drawn. This radical judicial overreach comes after Republicans, in a daring act of legislative ingenuity, crafted a new electoral map designed specifically to maximize Republican representation – a process they refer to as 'optimizing democratic outcomes.' Critics of the ruling are baffled by the court's insistence that 'voters should decide,' asking pointedly, 'Decide what? To mess up our perfectly good plan for them?' The court's decision has sent ripples of confusion through the GOP, with one anonymous lawmaker reportedly muttering, 'If voters are going to start deciding things, what's the point of us having jobs?' Political scientists are already predicting a steep decline in the nation's supply of gerrymandered districts if such 'direct participation' continues unchecked, threatening the delicate ecosystem of manufactured majorities across the country. Experts agree: letting the electorate meddle in the highly technical art of legislative cartography could lead to unpredictable results, like, for instance, a map that actually reflects the population, which is precisely the kind of chaos political stability cannot afford.