Michigan Dems Achieve Post-Primary Harmony, Begin Practicing Synced Vomiting

Following a particularly spirited, or as we in the civility industry call it, 'emotionally vibrant,' primary, Michigan Democrats have miraculously coalesced around Dr. Abdul El-Sayed. Sources close to the party, who asked to remain anonymous because they were openly weeping, report that the former rivals are now so united they’ve begun coordinating their facial tics in unison. Pete Buttigieg, fresh from his national tour promoting the strategic merits of 'lukewarm consensus,' reportedly praised the newfound 'synergistic disgorgement of grievances' at a unity rally, where attendees were seen exchanging passive-aggressive gift baskets filled with artisanal cheeses and expired political pamphlets. One insider mused, 'It's like watching a pod of particularly agitated dolphins trying to navigate a bathtub – chaotic, yet with an undeniable, if puzzling, sense of shared purpose.' The party now plans to channel this collective, barely contained existential dread into a comprehensive policy platform, presumably after they finish the group therapy session disguised as a 'strategic brainstorming retreat' in a remote yurt.