Lunar Nuke-aloo: Space Agencies Vow to 'Irradiate the Moon Responsibly'

In a move that has space policy wonks nodding sagely and anyone with basic survival instincts nervously eyeing the night sky, global superpowers are currently locked in a thrilling race to be the first to plop a nuclear reactor onto Earth's most prominent celestial body. The United States, ever the pacesetter in the 'unnecessary cosmic infrastructure' game, aims to achieve this monumental feat of high-tech littering by 2030, ensuring future generations will enjoy a slightly warm, potentially glowing moon. Not to be outdone in the 'slightly behind but still trying' category, the Russia-China alliance has optimistically slated their own lunar glow-stick for 2036, presumably after extensive market research into the lunar permafrost's structural integrity. While a few 'leading scientists' have quaintly suggested this might be a bad idea, citing such trifling concerns as 'radiation' and 'catastrophic failure leading to an uninhabitable lunar surface,' these Luddite anxieties are quickly being dismissed by officials focused on the more pressing issue of whose flag will melt into the lunar regolith first. After all, what's a little extraterrestrial meltdown when national prestige is on the line?