Londoners Panic-Buy Optic Safety Contraptions Amidst Sky-Based Light Anomaly

A city-wide crisis of astronomical proportions has gripped London, as citizens, apparently unfamiliar with the concept of 'looking at the sun is bad for you,' engage in a frantic, undignified scramble for specialized eye protection. Reports from the front lines — primarily pharmacy queues and online marketplaces — indicate a complete societal breakdown of optical decorum. Prices for what are essentially two squares of dark plastic in a cardboard frame have reportedly surpassed the cost of a small, ethically dubious diamond, leading to accusations of 'solar gouging' and 'celestial profiteering.' Experts suggest that the mass hysteria is less about scientific curiosity and more about a deep-seated, uniquely British fear of missing out on a culturally significant event, even if that event involves direct eye damage. Citizens, many of whom haven't looked up from their smartphones since 2008, are now desperately seeking equipment to *safely* perform the act of looking up for approximately 90 seconds. Critics of the panic suggest a more traditional, and infinitely cheaper, method of observing celestial phenomena: simply don't look directly at it, or, perhaps, read a book.