Lawsuit Shockingly Assumes McRib Was Ever Intended To Coexist With Vertebrate Biology

In a triumph of wild optimism over industrial reality, a federal judge has permitted a class-action lawsuit alleging that McDonald’s flagship seasonal enigma, the McRib, contains neither authentic rib meat nor any lingering brush with an actual thoracic cage. Plaintiffs argue they were grievously misled by the sandwich’s sculpted faux-cartilage ridges, having genuinely expected a four-dollar drive-thru polygon to be hand-butchered from an agrarian spine rather than extruded through a pneumatic slurry press. McDonald’s defense attorneys vigorously countered that the word 'rib' functions as an abstract aesthetic suggestion rather than an anatomical claim, arguing that no sentient consumer chewing a restructured sponge of porcine emulsion drowned in corn-syrup glaze could harbor realistic expectations of osteology. Corporate spokespeople further clarified that the iconic wavy bumps are merely ornamental topiary engineered to trap ambient sauce. Should the plaintiffs prevail, industry analysts warn the legal precedent could devastate the entire fast-food landscape, imperiling everything from the architectural fiction of the chicken nugget to the delicate municipal illusion that the Filet-O-Fish ever swam.