Laredo Residents Initiate GoFundMe for Trump's Next 'Big Brain' Idea, Just in Case

A palpable, yet impeccably manicured, unease has settled over the sun-drenched, tariff-fueled boomtown of Laredo, Texas. The city, which previously discovered that an economic 'boom' can, in fact, be directly correlated with the imposition of punitive trade barriers on all its closest neighbors, is now nervously eyeing the presidential Twitter feed for signs of its imminent demise. Local analysts, who once hailed the former president as an 'unconventional genius' for accidentally supercharging their cross-border logistics industry by making everything else prohibitively expensive, are now simply calling him 'the guy with the big red button.' Businesses, having just finished celebrating a three-year fiscal run so dizzying it's been dubbed 'The Great Tariff-Induced Sugar Rush,' are reportedly stockpiling everything from industrial-grade Advil to pre-written layoff notices. One prominent logistics CEO, requesting anonymity lest he be designated a 'low-energy loser,' quipped, 'We’ve enjoyed the ride, but frankly, it’s like having a very large, orange, unpredictable toddler with a sledgehammer as your primary economic consultant.' The city’s future, it seems, is now less about free markets and more about precisely how many more times the nation's former chief executive can redefine 'winning' before Laredo simply evaporates in a puff of unintended consequences.