Kingdom's Latest Status Symbol: A Glow-in-the-Dark Palace, Courtesy of Uncle Sam

In a move that has international relations experts scratching their heads (and then probably checking for new job openings), the United States has generously provided Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman with the ultimate executive toy: nuclear technology. After years of the Kingdom patiently explaining to Washington, 'Yes, we'd like to eventually boil water, very efficiently, for peaceful purposes, honest,' the deal was finally inked. Critics, who apparently don't understand the nuanced art of 'soft power' (which, in this case, involves very hard, very radioactive rods), have grumbled about proliferation risks. But surely, a nation with such a stellar human rights record and a noted aversion to international intrigue would only use this power for, say, powering a really large disco ball in the desert. The agreement, promising to deepen U.S.-Saudi ties for decades, ensures a future where American diplomats will have ample opportunity to tour technologically advanced desalination plants, funded by the Kingdom's newfound energy independence, perhaps while delicately sidestepping questions about advanced kinetic weaponry.