Japan Recalls Ambassador To Insist Reporter Was Just 'Extremely Bad at His Job'

Tokyo has launched a diplomatic offensive of truly impressive politeness after Russian authorities detained a Japanese journalist, Kenji Nakanishi, on charges of 'collecting military intelligence' in the Far East. Japanese officials, visibly flustered by the uncharacteristic accusations, clarified that Mr. Nakanishi was merely an 'enthusiastic amateur' of geopolitical trivia and had likely mistaken a heavily guarded military installation for an exceptionally well-preserved historical landmark. "To suggest he was *spying* implies a level of competence we frankly haven't observed in Mr. Nakanishi's field reports in years," stated a Foreign Ministry spokesperson, carefully adjusting his tie. "We believe his ‘clandestine’ photographs of strategic naval bases were, in fact, an attempt to capture an elusive species of migratory bird, or perhaps just a very scenic rock formation." Russian counter-intelligence, meanwhile, remains unconvinced, pointing to the reporter's suspiciously comprehensive collection of souvenir fridge magnets featuring classified missile launch codes. Diplomatic analysts suggest the impasse could be resolved if Russia simply charges him with 'gross incompetence leading to national security breaches' and Japan agrees to foot the bill for remedial journalism training.