India's Capital Hosts "Freedom to Loiter" Convention, Locals Mistake For Protest

Residents of India's capital were pleasantly surprised this Monday when a spontaneous, large-scale pedestrian gathering materialized in their city streets. "Honestly, after weeks of enforced stillness, it was a breath of fresh air, albeit a slightly tear-gassed one," noted one anonymous local, adjusting their protest sign to catch the breeze. Sources close to the government, speaking on condition of anonymity due to the high likelihood of immediate detention, confirmed that the "mass detention of young individuals" prior to the event was merely a proactive measure to ensure "optimal crowd density management" and "pre-emptive enthusiasm calibration." Critics, meanwhile, suggested the entire demonstration was simply an elaborate, government-sponsored flash mob designed to distract from, well, everything else. Organizers, or rather, the various "unaffiliated individuals spontaneously expressing opinions," were reportedly seen consulting maps and comparing notes on the most scenic routes to inconvenience traffic, a clear sign of sophisticated urban planning.