In Groundbreaking Experiment, 'Press Secretary' Gene Isolated and Removed from Subject After Record-Breaking 120 Hours

Washington D.C. — In a feat of administrative efficiency previously thought impossible outside of a highly competitive 'musical chairs' tournament, a high-profile White House staffer has reportedly achieved the administrative equivalent of a sub-five-day 'speedrun' for termination. Ms. Katie Zacharia, a political operative whose tenure reportedly spanned a dizzying 120 hours, was unceremoniously escorted from the building – or perhaps simply found her ID badge no longer worked – amidst whispers concerning her legal background and a debut press conference described by one anonymous source as 'remarkably briefing-like, for a brief.' One imagines the onboarding paperwork barely had time to settle into its 'to be ignored' pile before being rerouted to 'offboarding,' marking a new benchmark in bureaucratic velocity.