Iceland: Tiny Nation, Massive FOMO-Proofing Strategy

In a move lauded by isolationists and anyone who’s ever had to explain Schengen to their grandmother, Iceland has overwhelmingly voted to maintain its enviable status as Europe’s most exclusive — and glacially slow-paced — VIP lounge. The recent referendum, boasting voter turnout usually reserved for a rare solar eclipse or a new IKEA opening, saw citizens firmly reject recommencing talks to join the European Union. Critics of the EU, often depicted as a bureaucratic Hydra with a penchant for regulating cucumber curvature, celebrated the decision as a triumph of sovereignty, or perhaps just a collective sigh of relief that they wouldn't have to learn new fishing quotas. Meanwhile, EU officials, reportedly still reeling from Brexit, issued a statement vaguely implying that Iceland was welcome to its 'unique path' while privately updating their spreadsheets to reflect 0.00001% less GDP to worry about. Analysts suggest the vote was less about economics and more about preserving the national sport of 'being left alone,' a tradition dating back to the Viking age, albeit now with more geothermal spas and fewer raiding parties. The nation, it seems, prefers its global drama served cold, like a good fermented shark, and strictly from a distance.