Homeland Security Praises Efficiency of 'Pre-Crime' Surveillance on Non-Threats

In a groundbreaking display of bureaucratic overreach, U.S. government investigators have reportedly expanded their 'War on Terror' protocols to include groups whose most radical act was likely organizing a potluck. Previously reserved for actual bad actors, the new initiative now encompasses organizations whose primary 'crime' appears to be advocating for, well, people. Officials noted the surveillance was 'remarkably efficient' in confirming that peace activists were, in fact, still peace activists, and that community organizers were, astonishingly, organizing communities. Sources within the Department of Homelander Security, speaking anonymously to protect their access to the office Keurig, explained that monitoring group chats for phrases like 'affordable housing' and 'immigrant rights' provides invaluable data. 'How else would we know they're not secretly plotting to... *checks notes*... provide humanitarian aid?' remarked one analyst, polishing their 'Big Brother is Watching You, But Also, Like, Your Venmo' mug. The program's success is measured by the sheer volume of financial records obtained from entities never once accused of actual criminal behavior, proving that sometimes, the most effective way to fight crime is to just invent it.